Carte Blanche

This post is going to have a different tone. The responses I've received from my other posts have been phenomenal. Truly, they simply make me want to write more. This time, I just have to write a little different because the pressure of being "inspirational" is too much. Sometimes. Not that I don't like it, but everyone needs a break.

To quote Shrek, "I'm like an onion. Onions have layers." Therefore, I am not only a girl trying to be a very good mama, or a girl trying to start a blog, or a girl organizing a non-profit. My other layers include an ever- present humor layer. I consider myself to be someone with a sense of humor. My world is surrounded by some of the funniest people on the planet. Really, I don't know why some of my friends aren't doing stand up. Next to words, laughter is my best remedy for the crap that life sometimes hands me. My sense of humor is witty, slightly sarcastic, a bit cynical, and pretty direct.

You want to know how I'm made it this far... one word... humor. 

Now, I am going to enter a disclaimer here, because my mom reads my blog. And other family members read my blog. I haven't shared the following information with all of them. So, they may want to shield their eyes or stop reading and wait for the next post. However, I promise to keep it clean.

In case you haven't figured it out, I am single. Being single in the new millennium has its challenges. I suppose it also has its benefits, though I haven't completely figured those out yet. The first challenge being... I am old.When I was a young, on any given Friday night, I could be found at a bar or dance club. More often than not, you'd find me dancing on top of a bar in a dance club. Many nights, I'd still be dancing on top of the bar as they yelled for "last call".

These days, on a Friday night, you'll still find me dancing. However, I'm dancing around my living room with my children. These days, I am lucky if I stay awake until ten-thirty. And that is really pushing it. I don't go many places without my children, except sometimes to my local Target and Trader Joe's. There, I am too harried and hurried to even think about finding a man to date. If I do have a night out, I am with my girlfriends and have no interest in trolling for men.

Awhile back, I decided to give dating a whirl. Before I did, I had not one clue what to expect. The last time I dated, I was in my early twenties. Dating back then was fairly easy, as, for one, I had a social life. It isn't hard to meet boys when you're dancing on top of a bar. All my friends were single and everyone they knew was single. It was an endless circle of people to meet. Now, mom, don't worry, I did not date half the city, but I had my share of good times.

Dating today leads most people to online dating sites, probably because living rooms aren't hot social gathering spots.  I have become one of those people. (I feel like I just stood up at an AA meeting and introduced myself.) Divulging the sites' names would probably cause me to, at some point, have to pay them royalties or something, so you can just take a guess as to which they are. If you are unfamiliar with the process of such sites, let me provide a quick overview.

You must complete a lengthy question and answer session. This process is obviously for the computer program to be able to find the perfect mate for you. I secretly think is it to weed out any potential serial killers, or at least that's what their disclaimer might read. You create a profile for yourself, for which you whip out the thesaurus and spend hours searching for a picture in which you look only slightly harried and hurried. Once completed, the computer works its "magic". Let's use that term quite loosely.

These sites provide you with endless dating possibilities. Really, I had no idea there were so many singles out there, because I often feel like I am caught in the Lonely Hearts Club Band, playing air guitar solo. It all starts with winking (quite possibly the silliest thing I have done as an adult), emailing, chatting, and ogling.

Through my journey and with the help of one of my wisest friends, I discovered something about being single at this age. After many frustrations, she said to me, "Dating now is easier. You know what you like, what you want, and what you don't like and what you don't want. You're wise now, when you're in your twenties, you're a fool." I don't think I could have said it better.

Now, here are some things I 've come to find I don't want in a date (and yes, all learned from experience):

1. A 30-something who lives at home with his parents.
2. Have foot fetish? Do not follow.
3. Money-droppers... the ones that tell you how much everything costs.
4. Closets are for clothes, not people. It is 2011, come out already.
5. A man who lacks any knowledge of proper English grammar... seriously, it is hard for me not to correct profiles & emails.
6. Texting obsessed... I can't text. I have a flip phone and about one hundred other things to do.

That's not such a long list, is it?

People have often told me I am lucky. Lucky because my "love life" is carte blanche. Yes, I think that this is single best benefit of being single in this millennium. I'm in no hurry, I'm not harried about it. I think this course of action will be... quite wonderful. And if nothing else, one full of humor.