The other night at the end of a date (Disclaimer: This is not a post about my adventures in dating. Sorry to disappoint. Those will come later.), my date asked me if I liked being single. A bit taken aback by his question (and very slightly tipsy), I briefly paused and replied with confidence, "Yes, I like it." He scrunched up his face and told me he hated it. I never got the chance to explain my answer because the night ended shortly thereafter.
So, here is my explanation.
It is not a wonder the English language is so difficult to learn when one considers the many, many words it contains with multiple meanings. Pet, picture, racket, judge, produce, coast, settle... the list could go on.
Then, throw in the whole concept of connotation, and English learners can be at a complete loss. Correction, even life-long English speakers can be at a loss.
The word from that multiple meaning list and multiple connotations list that shapes my life is settle... settled, settling... any form of it.
What I should have said to my date was, "I don't mind being single because I feel settled. My life has finally settled down to the point where I can actually enjoy it. And finally, I am not settling for just any guy... therefore being single isn't half bad." He probably still would have walked out the door, but that's okay, he needn't settle either.
When I was much younger, I wanted nothing more than to settle down and raise a family. My Barbies always got married and had babies.They cooked and cleaned and ended each play session sitting on rocking chairs on a make-shift front porch. To me, this settle... good connotation. It was comforting. To someone terrified of commitment and responsibility...bad connotation.
On my wedding day, I did not feel as if I'd settled for just some guy. I married the man it took a very long time to get to the alter. He was one unsure of settling down. At times, I was patient with his uncertainty, and others, I became quite belligerent about how absurd I truly thought it was. When we'd finally made it to our wedding day, I wonder if he felt unsettled. He gave no indication of that, but when I look back at wedding pictures, there is one candid shot of him with a very unsettled expression on his face. Today, that photo is a foreshadowing of many unsettling things to come in our lives. I wish I could have seen it much sooner, but I was too busy settling into our new life as a married couple.
For many years, life was pleasant and... settled. And then one day, it just wasn't. It started that day in the Menards parking lot and became completely unsettled the day I learned about his affair. After that day, I vowed to settle for nothing but the best... from him, from me, from us. But, that wasn't what happened.
What comes next may be unsettling for you, the reader. It was catastrophic for us.
On that fateful May day, my husband was arrested. And instantly, nothing was settled anymore, everything was beyond unsettled, and my heart felt as if it would never settle its violent hammering rampage again.
It has been two and a half years since that day, and finally, my heart has slowed. For those two long years, I lived in an unsettled manner. I never knew what each moment would bring. I learned what "you never truly know what a person" means. I learned what "hold your head high" means. I learned what "you never truly know how strong you until being strong is all you can be" means. I learned about the criminal process and the justice system and the prison system in ways I never wanted to, but had to. I learned how faithful my family and best friends are. I discovered how very important it is to be settled in mind, body and spirit. And, I learned that I could become settled again.
How I got from there to here is for another post. This post is for all those out there working on being settled. It is possible.
